Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
