you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Come share oat with me in your robe
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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