i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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