i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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