dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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