YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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