belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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