First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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