Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
