saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
