On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
