I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
