Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My bed smells like the plague
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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