I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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