Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
