could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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