Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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