I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
