at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize