I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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