using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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