SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
