Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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