im having a threesome with these popsicles
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
