Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
