If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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