Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
high people should be assigned attendants
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
