honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
