The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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