while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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