i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Come share oat with me in your robe
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
