I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
