i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
