if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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