I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Houston, we have a blender
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
