I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize