I'm lost and stupid without you.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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