dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
