i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
