Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
