In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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