I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sext me about skeletons
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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