You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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