hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
