i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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