walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
