Where are you?
In a non slutty way
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
