saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
