What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
