Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
