I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
They are going to name an STD after you.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
All the doctor said was why
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
