I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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