Don't you send me to vm
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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