Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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