next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
