Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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