I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
