I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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