im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
