be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
