yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
