If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
