Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
