He disabled his match.com account in front of me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My liver just had a heart attack.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
