so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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