We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
