my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The power of my boobs compel you
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
