blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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