I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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