im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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