Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
