Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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