I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I can text with my tongue
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
