Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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