omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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