Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
