i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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