So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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