he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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