my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
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