so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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